Catching Fire parody!
by jenna2468
Summary: You asked for it so hear it is! Same warnings as first Parody apply! If you are allergic to death, insane Katnisses, or evil Prims please do not read! But seriously read this! I said that this story is written in Punjabi just because it sounds cool lol!
1. Chapter 1

Catching Fire Parody Part 1!

Well, I'm back with a new Parody! Please Read, Review, and enjoy!

I watch as the sun comes up, still clutching a cup of Gaderade…..it's high in electrolytes. I'm still stiff from the beating prim bestowed on me. If a pack of wild ducks were to attack me right now there's no chance of me escaping their bills of death. I should get up and kill something. Madge comes out of nowhere, "Hey Katniss, what are you doing out here?" she asks. "I was gathering some none of your business!"I say. "Oh," she says. "Why are you here you blond poop ball?" I ask sharpening a rock that will soon find its way to her head. "I like to come out here and scream….," she says. I chuck the rock at her and she falls to the ground. I start the two minute walk back to the fence that borders District 12. My prep team is coming today to get me ready for the victory tour. It's something I've been looking forward to for months. No, not seeing my gay prep team, but the victory tour! I get to look down into the faces of the tributes' families and rub it in that probably ½ of them are dead because of me .

I make it to the fence and listen for the careful hum of electricity. I do hear a faint noise. "I don't have time for this!" I scream. I grab the wire and electricity pulses through my body! I smell something delicious cooking and realize it's me! After three hours of being toasted the electricity is turned off. I sit up and realize that my braid is now a million spikes in the air and my face is black as a banana! The minute I slip through the fence I'm attacked by hungry people! "I call her leg!" "I want the arms!" "I call her Golgi Apparatus!" Even I find it hard not to eat me! I manage to make it back to my house in !#$%^&*'s village. I slam the door! Prim is staring at me from across the room. She slams her fist into her hand, "Come back for more?" I do a spinning wheel kick and hit her in the face. "You little chipmunk!" she yells. She runs around the room slamming random objects on the ground. I ignore her and walk up stairs. I walk into the bathroom where my mom is meditating on the floor. She has switched from a gothic menace to a 60's flower child. Her long wavy hair flows to the floor covering her body. Thank gosh because she doesn't believe in clothes anymore! "Hello young sasquatch I have drawn you a bath," she says moving her arms in a wave motion. I stare at her as she holds up a poorly drawn picture of a bathtub. I crumple it up and throw it out the window. "OW!" Peeta screams from below. I close the shutters after I fire 8 rounds at him.

I run to the meadow in my birthday suit and find a skunk. I spray it all over myself, "Nothing better than all-naturel!" I skip back to the house where my prep team waits nervously. There's a replacement for Octavia. She too is fat. "What's your name?" I ask in baby talk. "My name is..," "I'm gonna call you chubby! Do you like your name?" I ask. "Actually that was my childhood nick name," she says wiping a tear from her eye. "Good, now I know how to crush your spirit!" I say cheerfully. I do squiggly dance and back it up like Micheal Jackson. Oh My gosh did you guys hear he died! I start doing the reject all around the room. They finally just get up and leave. I continue my dancing long after they've gone. I finally collapse after 5 hours of rhythmical movements! Prim walks over and beats me with an umbrella. There is a nock on the door and I know the cameras are here to film me and peeta's "reunion". I go to the kitchen and wrap myself in tin foil. I open the door, "Look, I'm the world's biggest baked potato!" The camera crew just stares at me. I walk barefoot out into the snow. Peeta runs towards me! I duck and he flies over me into the snow! I start punching him in the back. "Ah, young love," sighs a camera man. I throw a snow ball at his face and he falls. I can see myself on the big screen in the square. I look like a Katniss-popsickle!

Everyone on the crew shakes their heads, "This is pointless! We'll be back for you in the morning," they say and walk away. I slump my way over to Gale's mom's house. I sit on the stool in the kitchen and she walks in the room holding a knife. It's got some strange red substance on it. "What's with the weaponry?" I ask spinning around in my chair. She shifts her eyes nervously, "Rory was….punished." "Oh good Gosh did you eat him!" I ask. "He was sooooooo chubby!" she cries. "It's ok, I can't judge. So where's Gale you fat cow?" I ask. She giggles, "MOOOO! He's working. He likes to mine coal to get his anger out." I can't help but blush, not because of Gale but because my tin foil has lost its luster and is now on the floor. Gale's mom pretends not to notice but I know she was checking me out, I rush back home to find a big black car in front of my house!

I grab my rifle from the closet and shove it into the person's head! I realize it's my mother and that the real person is in the living room. I walk in and see him stroking Buttercup. "Ohhhh who's a cute kitty! You are! Oh yes! Oh yes!" he says. "What do you want!" I scream so loud the house shakes. "Oh, President Snow wants you. He's in the office," he says. I thank him, shoot him, and go to the office. I stop before entering and skin Buttercup using his pelt as a dress. I walk in and stand there in the door. "Hey…did your prep team design that?" he asks. I wheeled the knife in my hand aimlessly. He gulps, "I see….well, won't you sit down?" he asks. I see a tack on my chair. I look at president Snow boredly, walk over to the chair and sit on the tack emotionless. President Snow's mouth drops, "Didn't that hurt!" he asks. I sigh, "No!" He lights a match. "Fire is catching! Fire is catching!" he screams and runs out of my house. As soon as he's out of ear shot I let out a scream of pain and pull the tack out of my thigh! "Next time I see him this is going in his headddddddddddd!" I scream. To Be Continued!

I promise guys, this story is just getting started! Please review! Thanx!


	2. The Victory Tour begins

Catching Fire Parody part 2!

The Victory Tour

My dreams are dreadful! What, no not because of The Hunger Games you silly goose! It's because every time I close my eyes I see Prim's deadly gaze staring back at me! She is the only thing I am truly scared of. Well, that and Beiber Fever! (We interrupt the regular broadcast to bring you this urgent message! WARNING: Beiber Fever is contagious and deadly! Please contact the following number if you or a family member is affected! 1-800-555-555-555 We now return you to your regular program.) I thrash about and feel comforting arms around me. "Oh Madge I knew you'd come around!" I say. I turn and see Peeta's chubby face in front of me! I push Peeta out of the bed and kick him until he cries! I throw him out the window and slam the shutters shut! "I got to lock these better!" I say.

The next day my prep team doesn't even bother to show up so I weave a dress out of elephant dung. A pink car drives in front of my house and I hop in. Peeta is there but I'm sure my crap dress should ward him off! We stop at the train station and I get off. Gale runs towards me, "Katniss!" he screams. "Oh gosh," I mutter. "Don't worry Katniss. I'll take care of this!" says Peeta. He rolls up his sleeves and stomps over to Gale. Gale simply whacks him with his fore-arm and he's out like a light! "What is it Gale whale?" I ask. "I just wanted to give you this," he holds out a small pistol. Before he can explain why he has given the #2 winner of the most violent list a gun I shoot Haymitch with it six times. I miss but at least Effie is dispersing red liquid! Peeta stands up, "Come on Katniss, let's blow this pop sickle stand!" He tries to put his arm around me but luckily my new shoulder tazer is installed! I get in the train and shout out the window, "Yes! I'm leaving again you suck-ish District!" I hear cheers all around. "Fine, have it your way!" I scream and blow up the Justice building. No one seems to care considering Hannah Montana was renting it for the weekend.

I spend my time roaming from car to car mutilating whomever I see. All of the sudden I see a figure standing in the hallway! "Who are you!" I scream. "I am Prince Caspian here to save Narnia!" screams a high pitched, Spanish voice. "If you're looking for the Kings and Queens of Narnia then I suggest looking in here!" I say pointing to the incinerator. "Much obliged!" he says and walks in. I slam the door behind him and set the heat for well done. "Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhh…ahhh….ahh….ah….ah," I hear his screams. I walk away calmly. I spend the rest of the night playing Call of Duty on X-box live saying unkind things to strange German people.

The train halts to a stop outside District 11. "What the chiz is this!" I scream. "Bla-habla-sma-labla-ha," replies an Avox. I punch him. "this is District 11 Katniss," says Peeta painting his nails red. "Where'd you get that? The gay and proud store?" I ask. "No Haymitch gave it to me! He says it brings out the real Peeta, isn't that sweet?" he says. "I guess if you like real Peetas," I reply and get off the train. They shuffle us onto the stage, "I assume you have your scripts," says Effie. "Got it right here!" says Peeta holding up a sheet of paper a mile long. The audience groans. "How about you Katniss?" asks Effie. I shift my eyes and bight my lip, "You know what…I think my dog ate it," I say. "You don't have a dog you silly pickle!" says Peeta. "I was talking about Prim," I say. They don't respond. Peeta goes first. "Um, *cough* *cough* I just wanted to say that I love long walks on the beach and enjoy romantic picnics!" he says dreamily. "What are you doing? This is supposed to be an emotional speech!" screams Effie. "I thought this was an audition for the Bachelor!" he says. He slumps back to his seat upset, "I really wanted a chance at Brad." Then it's my turn and I hop up to the mike. I stare down at Rue and Thresh's families. "Hello, friends and family of the diseased! Um, well let's talk about Thresh. His respect for squirrels inspired us all! I especially liked how he killed my arch enemy and roll model Clove the man lady. Alright enough of that turd let's talk about Rue! She impressed me with her ability to blow up everything and anything like this!" I demonstrate my throwing a grenade at an old man in a red shirt. "Hey I caught it!" BOOOOOMMMMM! The crowd claps and I bow.

Rue's sister is staring at me so I throw one at her too. TO BE CONTINUED!

Sorry I haven't had time to write I have a History Day Project that I want to shoot in the face lol.


	3. The Victory tour continues

Catching Fire Parody Part 3!

The pain continues

They hustle Peeta and I into the Justice building and shut the doors to clean up the guts and what not. "You would think they'd just kill me already," I say to myself. Haymitch is there and signals us to the attic. We climb up thirty million stairs to the attic plat form. Peeta is rolling about choking on saliva. I push him and he rolls down all thirty million stairs again. I enter the room. "Hey Katniss!" says Haymitch. I just stare at him. "Have a seat!" he says. I remain standing. He gulps, "Um, well let's just cut to the chase," "Wo wo wo let me just stop you right there! Don't use stupid catch fraises like cut to the chase because girl I will cut you!" I say. "Well, the Capitol is still angry that you beat someone with a severed arm! You have to convince all of Panem that you love severed arms! Alright?" he says. I shake my head, "Seriously, I'm already the president of severed foot association and switching parties would ruin my campaign," I admit. Peeta runs in and starts smashing things angrily, "You should have told me!" he screams. "Dude, what are you talking about?" I ask. "You didn't tell me you are the President!" he screams. "Oh Peeta, you and your bad hearing," I sigh. Haymitch pushes him out a window.

That night is the dinner banquet. My prep team just sits huddled together in a corner as I run around the room ranting about why bunny rabbits shouldn't be allowed to hop in public. When the person comes to collect me I go out wearing my "Cute and Frisky" pajamas. Peeta is in a long blue satin dress. "Dude! What is wrong with you!" I ask. He twirls, "I really think I'm starting a new trend," he says. Everyone around us pukes. I spend my time shooting tiny paper spit balls at the guests. One woman who I sit next to has been hit fifteen times. Her lips are tight together and her eyes squinted shut. It almost seems like she's annoyed at something. I shoot one in her ear and she cracks, "WILL YOU GROW UP!" she screams. "I'm pretty sure I've stopped growing," I say. There's a long pause and then I start laughing hysterically. The woman devours a small container of Aspirin and then passes out on the floor. The Avoxes roll her onto a large tray and set her in the middle of the table. "Habla sma cama dobla fabla," fumbles one of them. A man rises, "He said dig in!" Everyone eats the woman happily. I am especially pleased with the dinner! I nudge Haymitch, "These peeps sure do know how to live!" I say. "Yea, I haven't had District 11 lady in years!" we laugh haughtily and enjoy our meal.

The District tours went by one by one. Some were boring but others such as District 8 were really funny because one person tried to shoot me! My favorite part though was the Career districts! I practically killed Glimmer with my annoyance attack, probed Thresh to kill Clove with a squirrel, and personally killed Marvel and cato. Ah, good times So anyway, in district 2 I actually made a speech to read! I said, "Greetings you fat, ugly turds! I hate your guts and am glad that you are all ugly and fat!" then I sat down. Peeta said something about how he'd be perfect for Brad and that he deserves a second chance.

Then we are on our way to the Capitol…..again! I hop on the train and see a bunch of little kids running around singing, "When we get there we'll scream yay! Bla blab la blab la blab la on the Polar Express!" When they see Peeta they run to him shouting, "Santa! Santa!" He picks one up, "Ho ho ho!" he chuckles. All the sudden a strange man with Tom Hank's voice comes out with a cup of hot chocolate. Peeta chucks the kid out the window and runs to him! He drinks the whole thing in one gulp! "What the fudge is this?" I ask. Haymitch pops his head in, "Uh, you guys are on the wrong train." We look at all the kids huddled in the corner shaking. Before I leave I turn around and step towards them really fast. Loud shrieks arise from their tiny mouths. I'm about to hop off when I see a little man. He's short like a midget and has pointy ears….Timmy.

To Be Continued!

**If you don't like the story don't read it! **


	4. Catching Fire Parody Part 4

Catching Fire parody Part 4

Reunion

Timmy slowly turns towards me slowly. My mouth forms a smile instantly. We stand there looking at each other for a long time. Peeta finally says, "Oh great, first I got to put up with Gale Hotness and now this piece of chiz!" I slap myself in the face finally, "Timmy, is that really you?" I ask. He looks down at himself, "I doubt it." I run to him and twirl him around in the air. But then the train lurches and he's flung out the door! I rush to him. He's laying on the ground with a spear in his stomach. "How'd that get there?" I ask. "Doesn't matter, did you blow up the food?" he asks. "Where have I heard that before?" I ask. "You have to win!" he says. "Hmmmmm, I have a serious case of memory repeat!" I say. Then he lowers his head and dies…..for the second time now. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scream. I feel an annoying hand on my shoulder, "It's ok Katniss! You have me," says Peeta. I spin around, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I scream and tackle him! He shrieks as I rip his heart out and eat it! "Ha! This isn't the Hunger Games so eating your victim isn't illegal!" I shout. Then once again I'm knocked out!

Ok, now Imma be honest here. The next person who tries to knock me out is gonna get some! I'm serious! The next person who walks in this room is gonna get Katnissiated! A small little child walks in with a tray of food. I tackle him and lock him in the closet! He doesn't scream so I guess he's an Avox or something. I look behind me and see that Peeta is in a hospital bed next to me. He has a glowing thing on his chest. Hey he's iron man! I walk over and try and rip it out of him but Haymitch restrains me! "Let go you freak! I am a member of the WWW!" I scream. He gasps, "The White Washed Willows!" I nod. He runs out of the room. Peeta regains consciousness, "Oh, I don't feel so hot," he moans. "You've never been hot," I say kicking the closet door. Peeta looks down at his glowing attachment, "Wow, that's definitely new." I roll my eyes, "If it weren't for these high tech doctors you'd be dead!" I say. "Sometimes my desert talks to me," he replies straight faced. That explains a lot. Sometimes Peeta, at dinner, will just stare at his food, occasionally look up, and then take a bite without using his hands. I rub my temples, "I'm leaving!" I walk out into the hall way and punch the first doctor I see, "Ha! You suck!" I scream then run away.

I know this was short…..like really short…but if anything this should teach you a lesson about chiz! So….yea! Shank yas!


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